i miss you

I'm trying out poetry.

I figure it's like writing music, right? Just, with whatever structure you want, unrestricted by music...

So. Here we go. My attempt at poetry.  Actually... it's more like a revelation from God that I needed to write down.  I'm somewhat of an open book in this blog post, but what the heck. I don't really care.  Testimony is amazing and God-given.  So enjoy... i guess:

To hear that everything I’d once clung onto is no longer there,

Leaves me grasping the air, gasping for air.

I’m utterly confused, because my anchor is in Christ,

And yet the pain of one tie being slowly wrenched from my heart

Feels like it’s enough to paralyze,

Taking away with it my ability to stand

I look into the past and realize

That the glass fortress that I’d placed around my heart

Was perforated with weak points

And as the wall fell, I fell. 

But where to, I can’t be certain.

I don’t think I ever will be.

I miss the very much appreciated me.

I miss my quirky uncertainty.

I miss the places where time had no dignity.

I miss the selflessness.

I miss the laughter.

I miss the innocence.

I miss how my heart used to flip uncontrollably.

I miss feeling like I’d found what everybody else was searching for.

But, as my heart cries for healing

I realize that I missed so many directions from You.

I missed a SEASON of intimacy with You.

I missed it, when You sent one of Your souls my way.

They walked by that street corner where I should have been standing.

I missed my point of no return.

I missed it when You were crying for me to show Your dignity.

I missed the sacrifice.

I missed the peace.

I missed the wisdom.

I missed so many challenges that were meant to create Your me.

I missed the very moment when You were whispering to me my purpose in life.

Yet, I receive grace.

And although I cry when I think about how I miss you.

I moan when I think about how I miss You.

I don’t want to miss You again,

and so I’ll just cry.